Jesus said “Worth it”
This is like my tenth time writing this, if we are being honest. I don’t want to write this blog, but I feel like I need to for my healing journey. I am so self-critical. I don’t know how to take a compliment because I don’t feel like I deserve it most days. When I look in the mirror, I see someone who is worthless in the eyes of everyone around me. Some days are better than others, but more days than not, I see a mistake.
This past weekend, I was struggling with myself and feeling like I was a failure in basically all aspects of my life. I hated myself. Not because I did anything, but because the enemy found a way to enter my mind without me realizing it until it had already happened, which turned into a mental health spiral. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be loved or cherished. That I was a screw up and didn’t deserve to have joy. I have struggled silently with my self-worth for a very long time. One of my very best friends gave me a true gut check this weekend while I was spiraling. She was giving me some tough love, which everyone needs from time to time, and you need to have friends who you trust that can give you these checks, and you know it comes from a place of love. I was in the middle of a spiral, thinking I wasn’t good enough and that people could do so much better than having me in their lives. I apologized to her for being such a screw up and her response…Her response made me literally stop what I was doing and thinking and just sit in that for a moment. It made me stop and take a pause.
I apologized for being a screw up and this is what she said- “I forgive you for putting yourself down and not thinking of yourself as Jesus, future hubs, my tribe, her and her family see you.”
Can we just take a minute to talk about a punch in the gut that was? Not because I was upset with her, but in that moment it hit me like Oh my gosh…1- I have some pretty amazing people in my life who are my family. 2- She is absolutely right. When I put myself down, I am not validating what people think of me. I am a huge advocate for validating feels so what does that say about me when I say “I am a screw up or not worth it” and I have people in my corner saying I am. What am I telling Jesus when I say those horrible things about myself? I am literally criticizing God and his masterpiece. That’s like human-size criticism going over to Leonardo da Vinci and telling him that the Mona Lisa is a horrible painting, but this is Jesus’ size criticism of the same thing.
God created you and me so carefully, and no person is the same. It’s not like he has a factory up in Heaven and has a generic blueprint of every single person in this world. That’s not how God works. He has designed in a way that can’t be replicated or duplicated. You are His masterpiece. You are His creation.
Doubt will come in waves with self-destruction, but when your foundation is firm in Jesus, then you can always build back what the world tries to destroy. Whether it comes in like a wrecking ball or slowly from the inside out.
So, yeah, I am super self-critical. I have doubts about my worth, but I will praise every single day that I have a God who will remain constant in telling me that I am worth dying for. When the enemy comes in and says I am not worth anything. I am a failure. I will never amount to anything. I know that my God says something different. I know my love says something different. I know my tribe says something different. I know I say something different.
The enemy has no power. He has mind games and tricks, but he has no power in his tricks. We give him the power by playing into his delusion of authority.
The next time I look in the mirror, I will look at God’s masterpiece looking back at me and thank God for this moment. When I take a selfie, I won’t be fixated on editing or filtering. When I feel like gum on the bottom of your shoes has more worth than I do. I will fight back and stand firm in the truth that I know from what our Jesus has told us.
I challenge you to go into wherever your mirror is and get ready to be uncomfy for a minute. I want you to look into the mirror and face the person you have been so harsh on and tell them you’re sorry for all the mean things you have said because those are not true. Reaffirm that person looking back at you that their worth was made priceless when Jesus died on the cross at Calvary for us.
You are literally worth dying for.
